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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Meth Addiction, My Story Part 4

"Methamphetamine is a powerful psychostimulant and sympathomimetic drug. It is a member of the family of phenylethylamines.
Methamphetamine enters the brain and triggers a cascading release of norepinephrine, dopamine and serotonin. It is highly active in the mesolimbic reward pathway of the brain, inducing intense euphoria, with high-risk for abuse and powerful addiction."(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crystal_meth)

In my last blog I talked about My first decisions as an adult. I refered to them as my "Man" decisions.
I dropped out of high school the day after my 18th birthday, Maybe the day of, not sure. This is when the "Party" really started for me. I also had a lot more good ideas(see meth virtually shuts off the frontal lobe of the brain, this is where good judgment and reasoning lie). To support my habit I would sell meth, and so I could learn how the police operate, I would start criminal justice classes at the near by community college. I know, you are thinking, that is brilliant. Thats what I thought.

Life started to get really crazy, really fast. I was buying from the gang members, selling as much as I could, but I have to be honest(it is part of my recovery, ha ha) I just wasn't a very good drug dealer. Why you ask? well because I like to use, oh a little co-depentent also, had to get you high to, if you were there.

Anyway things where starting to really get out of control, I was smoking $100's of dollars of meth a day. and at the end of the week when it was time to pay up, I was always a little short and you never, let me repeat, you never come up short to a chicano gang member. So I did what any good addict would do, I stole what ever I could, from who ever I could, and sold it where ever I could and to who ever I could. This was a life or death matter.
The next nine months where extremely crazy, my introduction to the street life. learning the rules of the streets and learning who you can trust, NOBODY.

The longer I used and the more days I stayed awake the more paronoid I got, but for some reason there was a comfort in this crazy paranoia when I was livin' the street life.

let me explain my paranoia in the early days, cause part of it is justified and the other part is meth induced mixed with lack of sleep.
The justified paranoia: the feeling that everyone is out to get you. justified? Yes, because for the most part, they are.
The unjustified paranoia: when you think your best friend of 15 years is a undercover police officer. Unjustified, yes, you have known him virtually all your life, when did he go through the training. a rat maybe, undercover cop, no.
A Rat: an individual who narcs on or helps the police in anyway to get out of trouble for something illegal that they have been caught for.(AS defined by the streets volume 1)

Here is the funny thing, this is only the first nine months of my adult life. I am just barely getting started. I haven't even been arrest as an adult yet. tune in for more.

Friday, April 3, 2009

Drug Addiction: My Story Part 3

I left off with my last post about my first "black out" and alcohol poisoning.

I was 15 years old when this happened. High school for me is a real blur because I was so drunk and high all the time. We partied all the time and by the time I was 16 I had been arrested 2 times. Once for a lying to the police. Yes, I was a liar. Anyway, I was 15 driving my parent vehicle while under the influence of alcohol, got pulled over and told the cop I was my brother Stan. Not sure why the cop let me go but he did. My brother got the ticket in the mail, went to court, and said "I didn't get this ticket" the officer was there and said "this is not the guy". A few hours later the cop showed up at my door with hand cuffs and hauled me off to jail.

The second time I was 16, just got my license and yep, you guessed it, DUI. Hmmm, I am starting to think this kid has a problem.

I was one of those kids that could smile and say everything is OK and I will never do that again. Everyone believed me. I believed me.
And then when everything was going good, I would think. I can have just one.
But you see, I am an addict and for me one is too many and a thousand is never enough. and so the cycle would start again.

I want to jump ahead to my 18th birthday, the day I became a "MAN". I am a man now, I can make my own decisions. I didn't say good decisions, I said my own decisions.

The first "Man" decision I made was to check myself out of high school. Why not, wasn't close to graduating. The second was even better, I was going to quit alcohol, caused too many problems. I think you will like the third, this was my best yet, I would only smoke meth because I could stay awake and get more done. Yes, that was my third "Man" decision.

In my next blog I am going to take you deep into the mind of a meth addict. Where we go, what we do, and who we do it with. You will want to read the next post because this keeps getting better or not ...

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