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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Meth Addiction, My Story Part 4

"Methamphetamine is a powerful psychostimulant and sympathomimetic drug. It is a member of the family of phenylethylamines.
Methamphetamine enters the brain and triggers a cascading release of norepinephrine, dopamine and serotonin. It is highly active in the mesolimbic reward pathway of the brain, inducing intense euphoria, with high-risk for abuse and powerful addiction."(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crystal_meth)

In my last blog I talked about My first decisions as an adult. I refered to them as my "Man" decisions.
I dropped out of high school the day after my 18th birthday, Maybe the day of, not sure. This is when the "Party" really started for me. I also had a lot more good ideas(see meth virtually shuts off the frontal lobe of the brain, this is where good judgment and reasoning lie). To support my habit I would sell meth, and so I could learn how the police operate, I would start criminal justice classes at the near by community college. I know, you are thinking, that is brilliant. Thats what I thought.

Life started to get really crazy, really fast. I was buying from the gang members, selling as much as I could, but I have to be honest(it is part of my recovery, ha ha) I just wasn't a very good drug dealer. Why you ask? well because I like to use, oh a little co-depentent also, had to get you high to, if you were there.

Anyway things where starting to really get out of control, I was smoking $100's of dollars of meth a day. and at the end of the week when it was time to pay up, I was always a little short and you never, let me repeat, you never come up short to a chicano gang member. So I did what any good addict would do, I stole what ever I could, from who ever I could, and sold it where ever I could and to who ever I could. This was a life or death matter.
The next nine months where extremely crazy, my introduction to the street life. learning the rules of the streets and learning who you can trust, NOBODY.

The longer I used and the more days I stayed awake the more paronoid I got, but for some reason there was a comfort in this crazy paranoia when I was livin' the street life.

let me explain my paranoia in the early days, cause part of it is justified and the other part is meth induced mixed with lack of sleep.
The justified paranoia: the feeling that everyone is out to get you. justified? Yes, because for the most part, they are.
The unjustified paranoia: when you think your best friend of 15 years is a undercover police officer. Unjustified, yes, you have known him virtually all your life, when did he go through the training. a rat maybe, undercover cop, no.
A Rat: an individual who narcs on or helps the police in anyway to get out of trouble for something illegal that they have been caught for.(AS defined by the streets volume 1)

Here is the funny thing, this is only the first nine months of my adult life. I am just barely getting started. I haven't even been arrest as an adult yet. tune in for more.

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