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Friday, March 20, 2009

Drug Addiction: My Story Part 2

Yesterday in my blog I talked about the first time I used meth and how it made me feel. Today I am going to go more indepth, take you deeper into the mind of an addict and how drugs grabbed a hold of me.

So, when I was 13 I tried meth for the first time and for me it was the thing that had been missing from my life. The thing that made me feel whole, normal, and the thing that told me I could conquer the world. I had no idea that, that thing was a lie. That it told me these things to grab a hold of me so that thing could destroy my life. That one time turned in to all the time and by the time I was in 9th grade I was using everyday. Not many people at that time knew the severity of my disease or as I like to call it, "My Dis-Ease". Addiction starts out as a happy place because for a while it comforts this dis-ease, but that changes and addiction becomes a very dark and lonely place.

By the time I was 15 and a half I was drinking all the time, partying when ever I could and my meth addiction had progressed from a couple of lines per day to smoking a gram or more per day. This habit became harder and harder to keep up and I was even stealing the tithe money my parents had for our church. Some say didn't anyone know what was going on? Couldn't anyone see where you were headed? And the answer is not likely, see addicts are, or I should say, become very good at manipulating, lying, and covering our tracks. And me I was one of the best, because I looked so innocent. Anyway, as the stealing and lying progress the pain intensivies and the more we need to make that pain go away.

I'm not sure of the exact date of this story, but I know it was a dark day in my life as my parents friends were to arrive at our house for a dinner. These weren't just any friends, they were a very big Christian minisrty family, that were very well known. on that day I was feeling a little anxious (probably because I didn't have any drugs). So, I went down to my friends house. He had some some Bacardi 151 and I thought I will have just a little to make me feel or not feel as I like to say.

2 large glasses later I was in full black-out, don't remember anything until I woke up in the emergency room in a rage. I thought the doctors were cops and the Christians were demons. I was so strong that I broke the straps that they tied me down with. I fought and fought until seven of them held me down and I could no longer fight.

I was told I had a blood alcohol level of over .4. I was 15 years old.

To answer any questions you all might have, yes, we began family counseling. I resisted at first, but figured if I just went with it I could continue to use, and once again manipulate the system.

This is just the beginning, so please come back because I have so much more to share. It gets deeper, much deeper and if you want to understand despair and desperation in the life of an addict I urge to check back.

Because this gets good or really, really bad ...

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